


Going For A Song

by gladsomemind



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-16
Updated: 2011-05-16
Packaged: 2017-10-19 11:58:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gladsomemind/pseuds/gladsomemind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little piece inspired by the 2011 Eurovision Song Contest.</p><p>How to get a room full of people drunk watching a singing competition designed to promote harmony (or something)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going For A Song

“Man, that’s great. Rachel is going to be so happy.”

The voice was Danny’s but sounding gleeful that _Rachel_ was going to be happy was just wrong. Steve moved to the door of his office to watch his partner and Chin discuss _something_ with a lot of arm waving.

“You’re welcome to join us if you want, we’ve always played a drinking game along side, and let me tell you that is going to be _weird_ at 10 o’clock in the morning, maybe Stan will drive me home when he picks her up if I promise not to puke in his car, tell you what, I’ll even bring the beer. Let’s face it man, you are a novice at this thing and if you haven’t had years of prep you don’t know what you’re letting yourself in for. I also solemnly swear to stop Rachel making fun of American beer. That could be difficult but might work if I tell her you’ll take the contest away if she does. So see you 8:30 tomorrow morning, you god amongst men.”

Steve took it all in, Danny’s mad hand waving to go along with the non stop talking. Chin’s stunned look. Kono’s bemused look from her own office, although hers might have had something to do with the implied lack of drinking ability of her cousin. He also watched Danny peel off to pull out his phone.

“Rach, can you put Gracie on? Because I want to talk to her before she goes off on her camping adventure on _my_ weekend. Well that’s not the point is it? I want to tell her that I hope she has a nice time. It’s a perfectly acceptable term, what is your problem with nice? Will it make you put her on if I tell you that Chin is going to hook us up to the main screen in here?” Danny pulled the phone away from his ear as a scream emanated from the earpiece. “Glad you’re happy. You need to raid Stan’s imported beer selection if you don’t. No, I’m not expecting you to drink beer that is sex in a canoe, is Gracie even there? I’m saying that if you don’t want to drink the local beverage of choice you have to bring your own. He says he can pull the beeb feed so you don’t even have to put up with German commercials. Now will you put my daughter on the phone! Hi Monkey.”

Danny moved out of the room to talk to his daughter leaving Steve with the other two members of the team. “What’s going on?”

Chin shook his head at the ravings of the Jersey contingent and waved at the screen. “Danny asked if there was any way I could pull in the BBC transmission of some singing competition. No clue what the rest of it is about but apparently it’s one of the things that Danny used to watch with Rachel and will work to keep him in her good graces.”

“And the beer?”

“Apparently they drink when the host gets changed? Can’t see that happening too often in a show so even if we are starting at nine in the morning I’m fairly certain I won’t end up incapable of driving home.”

Kono moved into the room as an active participant, Steve wasn’t sure he quite liked the look on her face, it was one of those guaranteed to have the day ending in property damage. “So. Think we’re all invited brah or just you?”

“It’s going to be up on the main screen. Bring your drinks, pull up a chair and you can be a participant in round whatever it is between the two of them.” He jerked his head in the direction of the departed Danny. “I’m planning on coming in setting them off then going about my day to be honest.”

Steve was sure of only one thing. He didn’t want to leave Danny alone on a weekend morning date with his ex-wife. “No brah, I think we should all join in. Get a little culture.”

“By watching American Idol with Danny and his ex-wife?” Chin didn’t sound convinced.

“Get it where you can, just get it where you can.”

********

The number of boxes being brought in by Danny and Rachel was pretty terrifying. There was wine, there were spirits, there were a few soft drinks _for the lightweights_. There was more alcohol than the team would normally put away in a month.

“How long is this thing?” Steve asked warily, even Kono was looking a little concerned at the quantities involved. “And how many people are coming?”

“Me, Rachel and whichever ones of you crashers stay.” Danny didn’t appear to share his colleagues concern the way he was lining up glasses and bottles. “Only rule is you stay you drink. And it’s, what, 3 hours Rach?”

“Generally. It depends on how they do the voting. If it’s like last year it will be quicker. Chin? Belgian, Danish or German beer?” Danny’s ex stood there pulling bottles out of a carrier one at a time and offering them to man setting up the feed. “I suppose it would make sense to start with German as it’s being held in Dusseldorf this year. Get things off to a good start. ”

Chin glanced over his shoulder to make eye contact with the boss who only shrugged in response.

“Sure. Thanks.”

Bring me Sunshine started coming from the speakers and the screen showed some random clips of people supposedly singing along. The Americans were all waved into silence by the suddenly possessed Englishwoman singing along and squeaking “Attenborough”.

“Everyone got a drink? Good, now shush.”

“ _Can Blue bring it back for Britain at Eurovision?_ ” Three Americans nearly spilled their beer as Rachel and Danny shouted out together “No!”

Rachel looked around, at the others shocked. “You can’t start drinking yet! You have to wait for it to get going. Oh you should really get a country to support. I’ll take Greece. Danny?”

“Lithuania.”

She looked at the confused looking people. “Never mind, that’s probably a little too much for your first time. Three hosts? That’s a bit off. “

 _“The lady in the roadkill dress.”_

“That would be the red one Steven, other woman in stripey frock and bloke in a black suit wearing a tie you will notice, because that is professional ladies and gentlemen.”

“Drink!”

“Sip!” Danny called over his ex. “Always sip.”

“Drink again.”

Kono was looking slightly panicked. “How many times do you expect to drink?”

“Drink”

“Approximately sixty times a minute. Just about, depends on the portion of the evening.”

Danny passed additional bottles along. “You drink when the hosts flirt, when the announcer makes a bad joke, if the audience boos, if contestants shout at each other from two inches apart. And there are about a dozen white suits on there right now so that’s a dozen sips. And pyrotechnics.”

“Wrong sort of white suit, but why not.”

It was Chin’s turn to look at the two, insane, suddenly exposed alcoholics. “The wrong sort of white suit?”

“You’ll know it when you see it. Don’t worry about it.”

“Why aren’t you supporting the UK Rachel?” Kono asked. It did seem a little strange that she wouldn’t support her own country.

“Because we will lose. We’re probably going to come last.”

“How could you possibly know that now before it happens?”

“Because it’s the Eurovision.” As if that explained it at all. “Fireworks!” They drank again.

The songs finally started and Danny and Rachel picked up their drinks and sipped at the first word, then again at the chorus. It was Danny who waved his hands at his colleagues. “It’s in English not Finlandish and he’s singing nonsense for the chorus. Look guys if you are joining in you have to join in, this is not a spectator sport. You man up or you leave the room.”

“Fake instruments, arm waving and ethnic dancing. Just so as you know what you are looking for. They are playing to a backing track.”

The room dutifully drank. Thankfully the every second drinking had been a slight exaggeration.

********

By the time they were through the fourth song everyone was on their second drink and Chin had gone to find scorecards on-line for everyone. The films between songs were leading to arguments on the previous performance and discussions on to whether it was as bad as they thought.

Rachel left the room when Ireland were due to come on, after downing the bottle of cider she, along with Steve, had settled on. It had been accompanied with a “Just no. However, as they clearly don’t want to win, bottoms up folks.”

The men in the room were tipsily convinced that the French entry was the worst so far but Kono and Rachel were in total agreement that he was cute and they were just jealous

“Dress change!”

The Moldovan entry started and everyone just drained their drink. At the unicyclist everyone looked at Rachel who just waved a hand to say oh yes that counted as a drink trigger.

Eventually the songs ended. The five people in the room were pretty buzzed but Steve didn’t understand how they could possibly pick a ‘best’ song from such an eclectic mix. He was also unsure why Rachel and Danny thought they wouldn’t be able to keep up with the, admittedly copious amounts of alcohol.

“You haven’t seen the voting yet.” Was the ominous answer.

“What’s spectacular about the interval act?” Kono was slumped slightly against Chin by this point, she’d been trying to keep up with Rachel on the European beer.

“Heard of Riverdance?” Kono nodded. “Started as a Eurovision interval act. This, well this isn’t Riverdance is it?”

********

“Kono?” Rachel addressing her with a polite inquiry made the slightly drunk police rookie look up to meet the Englishwoman’s gaze in the bathroom mirror. “Would you be open to some polite advice? A friendly word of warning?”

Kono froze. The clipped tone could lead to anything, most likely a warning to stay away from her ex-husband. OK, so they had quickly ditched the office chairs in favour of piling up all the cushions from the various sofas, and she had been spent a good half of the acts leaning heavily against Danny but the woman didn’t have a right to say who Danny got to be with. Rachel was the one who had left him, she didn’t get a veto. Not that Kono was interested in her ex anyway. He was just a handy prop to lean against and just what was in that European beer?

“It’s none of my business.” You got that right lady. “But a word to the wise, drink this.” A bottle of Evian was passed over, Kono looked at it blankly. “And if you are going to keep playing along there are a couple of things to ensure you don’t do. Don’t ask why Israel is in the contest and don’t ask about how long the voting will take. “ The blank stare moved from the bottle of water to the other woman.

Rachel gave a long suffering sigh. One that Kono knew would have been regularly directed at Danny, after all she had her own versions for the rest of the team.

“The voting is long, Israel is in it because it’s to do with the transmission area of the European Television thing and there is at least another hour of solid drinking to go. Put us both together and we barely match the body mass of the Left-tenant Commander. Which does, unfortunately mean that we are going to get drunk quicker. While I did try to rig it so that the men were drinking higher alcohol drinks if you don’t get some water in you then you are going to let the side down.” With that she moved towards one of the cubicles, pausing with a door half open to throw over her shoulder. “Oh, and Kono. Just in case you were getting some ideas about Danny, take it from me. You aren’t his type.”

The younger woman was left staring at the closed cubical door. Despite wanting to lob the bottle in her hand over the door in an attempt to brain the witch, Kono took the high road and broke the seal instead, hydration was important after all and would help set Kono up to proving that Rachel wasn’t the boss of Danny.

Moving back into the other room she stopped in the doorway to observe the men. Chin was stumbling back to the cushions having grabbed another set of bottles for the three of them. Danny was lying sprawled on his stomach with Steve’s head resting on his butt. None of them looked even remotely phased by the arrangement.

“Told you so.” Rachel’s voice sounded low behind her. “Daniel, sit up. There’s no way you can drink properly like that.” She waltzed past the dumbstruck rookie.

Danny pushed up onto his hands and knees causing Steve to groan in protest but obligingly move. “So Rach, we drinking to ‘great’ or to ‘fantastic’? Usual forfeits?” Like half of the morning so far this didn’t make a lot of sense to the Hawaiians.

“’Hello Germany, hello Dusseldorf, thanks for the fantastic show’ or variations thereof. Usual toasts. Usual penalties. Ooh dress change.” Everyone took a sip. “Shout outs to countries, bad suspense. They say who’s getting the 12 points and then hang on to say ’12 points’ like that’s the shocking part. Oh you’ll pick it up.”

********

Steve got the penalty for realising how long the voting for forty three countries would take.

Chin for asking why Israel was in something called Eurovision.

********

When Azerbaijan finally pulled through as the winners Rachel stood to leave with Stan who had been not so patiently waiting by the door for the past 15 minutes.

“So. Same again next year?”


End file.
